(Editorial) Swing Lifestyle; The Good, The Bad, The Ugly

The Good:
Let’s not give swingers a bad rap. A swinger marriage is not more or less happy than a traditional marriage. I was in the lifestyle for several years with my ex. We became roommates with benefits, and wanted to spice things up. Swingers are a sex positive community and it really is great. It is fun to be a part of a community that is not uptight about all things sexual. Swingers are nice people, and believe it or not, you already know them. You simply don’t know who they are.

The Bad:
Swingers are just like everybody else. People in the lifestyle have not found the magical element to make marriage better, stronger, more open, or anything else. The swinger party line is swingers have stronger, better, more blissful marriages than vanillas (monogamous couples), but they have to say that otherwise the lifestyle looks less intriguing and exciting. Swingers will tell you they have research to back that up, but the research is severely skewed. The researchers go to swing forums, clubs, and other swing positive areas to ask questions. Therefore, the questions are answered mostly by current, active, happy swingers. The people swinging did not work out for, or whose marriages ended due to swinging, no longer frequent swinger spots, thus the data is skewed in favor of swinging being positive and favorable to a marriage. The vast majority of swingers are not on their first marriage. Many have been married 2+ times before. It isn’t unheard of to find couples who divorced to marry a swing partner. One night I was nailing a guy’s wife while he was nailing mine, and I realized when I looked over and watched that the reason I felt no jealousy or bad feelings was because I didn’t love my wife like I did when I married her.

The lifestyle is not free of cheaters. As a matter of fact, many couples join the lifestyle after cheating rears its ugly head in the marriage. People think swingers don’t cheat because they have free reign of sex with others, but it is not that simple. Each couple has their own rules and boundaries in the lifestyle. Part of the draw to swinging is the taboo of it being socially unacceptable. Guess what else is socially unacceptable? Cheating. Swingers like the rush of the forbidden, so cheating plays into that fantasy. People that cheated before entering the lifestyle bump up to professional level. They were already good at lying and deceiving, now they have new tools for their cheater’s toolbox. Say they have a profile on SLS or another swing site with their spouse (a joint profile). It is easy for a cheating spouse to open an individual profile which is very handy if they travel for business. Now when they visit a city regularly or occasionally, it is as easy as messaging to set up a threesome after work in the hotel. Heck, the hotel is already paid for! You already have the sexual element of the relationship, and often the emotional connection is not far behind. Opening a marriage is playing with fire.

Swingers like to gossip; about everybody! Swingers are people and people talk. Swingers gossip about other swingers and about vanilla friends. They gossip about other swinger’s sexual abilities or lack thereof. Women talk penis size and a man’s ability to get them off. Men talk about oral skills, tits, and how tight a woman is. Swingers love to talk shit about their vanilla friends; how boring they are, how dull a regular get together is without sex. They talk about how boring sex in marriage is, and how much better it is with multiple partners; think 3somes, 4somes, and moresomes. They can be brutal.

The Ugly:
Drugs and alcohol use, and overuse: Alcohol is ever present in the lifestyle whether it is at clubs, hotels, or house parties. I almost never see anybody swinging totally sober. Most people require 2-3 drinks to get the inhibitions down and make sex with strangers or acquaintances exciting.

Drugs are also prevalent, at least the party drugs; Molly, Ecstasy, and weed. Sex clubs typically have a no drug rule, but that is only to bring drugs in, the owners don’t care if you are already high. You have to hide drugs to get them into a club, but it happens regularly. Drugs in hotel takeovers and house parties are much more acceptable and out in the open, especially weed, but no one frowns at Molly or Ecstasy if you have it. The little blue pill is also very popluar in swinging.

It can take over your life. A small percentage of swingers allow it to go from hobby to the central part of their life. I was at a sex club where a newlywed bride and groom were having a “reception”. Some get in so deep that they no longer associate with vanilla friends. The swing lifestyle becomes all encompassing, and sex becomes the driving force in their lives. It is sad.

A personal tidbit, I stayed married to my swinger wife until I ran into a friend from college. Now I’m happily married to a wonderful woman, and I would not share her with another man for anything in the world. She is my queen and I adore her.

Many swingers (like monogamous couples) are merely trying to stay married in a difficult or unhappy situation; give them a break.

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14 comments

  1. I was married to a tramp from butler. I swapped her for a 12 pack, then the poor guy brought her back. then she proceeded to be married many more times trying to take what she could from each. motto to the story. “if it floats,fucks, or will fly,,,,,,,,,,,rent borrow but never buy! “

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    • The direct approach is to ask the person. Depending on how well you know them you can gauge if they are lying. The following are more subtle ways to know.

      1. If you are willing to pay the membership fee, you can join a local club to see who shows up on any given weekend. The people you see will shock you.

      2. You can join a swing website to see who else is a member in your city/area. Many swingers add photos to their profiles that make them personally identifiable.

      3. A few signs are using pineapples as decor (inside or outside), pink flamingos in the yard, and wearing a black ring on the right hand.

      4. The majority of swing clubs are BYOB. The bartender labels the bottles of alcohol brought in so they can be claimed at the end of the night. Therefore, if your friends have bottles of alcohol with numbered labels on them, they could be swingers.

      5. A more subtle way is your friends changing socially. Have you noticed friends hanging out with a new group? New swingers can get consumed with their new kinky friends and have noticeably less time for old friends and family. At the time they are hanging with new friends have you noticed new likes and comments to posts on social media? Are the new friends all liking and sharing amongst one another? Do they vacation with their new friends? Many swingers like to vacation together to have multiple nights to swap with multiples couples.

      6. Google your friends names and aliases. Also, Google the names of the new friends, you might be surprised what you find.

      If you suspect a friend, it is likely you are correct. All walks of life are active in the lifestyle; lawyers, executives, directors, teachers, law enforcement, small business owners, and more.

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      • The swing websites are Swinglifestyle, SDC, Kasidie, Lovevoodoo, Adult Friend Finder, Ashley Madison (yes, the cheater site), Craigslist, and more.

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  2. Why are swing clubs allowed to stay open with the rampant drug and alcohol use?

    Is it true a lot of women swingers are bisexual?

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    • The two occupations that have the highest representation in the lifestyle; policeman and teachers, yes teachers. Given the high percentage of police it isn’t surprising we don’t read about busts at swing clubs, house parties, and hotel takeovers. Think about that for a moment; police and teachers mixed with sex, drugs, and alcohol.

      A very high percentage of women in the lifestyle identify as bi-sexual or bi-playful. It is not unusual for married women to travel or vacation with their female swing playmates.

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  3. Dear God, teachers moonlighting as swingers and an ex-teacher posting nudes on the internet, who can we trust to teach our children these days? If these teachers are discovered and reported they need fired.

    Whose to say the oversexed swinging teachers that teach high school won’t set their eyes on students? Why are better checks not being done before hiring these types of people?

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    • Everybody should Google all people that are authority figures for their kids. The crap I found was surreal. A mom of two young daughters putting ass nudes on the World Wide Web under her real, full name. She did not have the good sense or the common sense to post under an alias. It makes me wonder what she has posted on other sites; homemade porn, full frontal nudes? God knows what else! If a person will post those types of photos under their real name, you know that is the tip of the iceberg as far as poor decisions and dirty photos.

      Once it is posted on the WWW you have no control over who downloads it or takes a screenshot. It could live forever in infamy. Well done, mom!

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