Let’s not give swingers a bad rap. A swinger marriage is not more or less happy than a traditional marriage. I was in the lifestyle for several years with my ex. We became roommates with benefits, and wanted to spice things up. Swingers are a sex positive community and it really is great. It is fun to be a part of a community that is not uptight about all things sexual. Swingers are nice people, and believe it or not, you already know them. You simply don’t know who they are.
Swingers are just like everybody else. People in the lifestyle have not found the magical element to make marriage better, stronger, more open, or anything else. The swinger party line is swingers have stronger, better, more blissful marriages than vanillas (monogamous couples), but they have to say that otherwise the lifestyle looks less intriguing and exciting. Swingers will tell you they have research to back that up, but the research is severely skewed. The researchers go to swing forums, clubs, and other swing positive areas to ask questions. Therefore, the questions are answered mostly by current, active, happy swingers. The people swinging did not work out for, or whose marriages ended due to swinging, no longer frequent swinger spots, thus the data is skewed in favor of swinging being positive and favorable to a marriage. The vast majority of swingers are not on their first marriage. Many have been married 2+ times before. It isn’t unheard of to find couples who divorced to marry a swing partner. One night I was nailing a guy’s wife while he was nailing mine, and I realized when I looked over and watched that the reason I felt no jealousy or bad feelings was because I didn’t love my wife like I did when I married her.
The lifestyle is not free of cheaters. As a matter of fact, many couples join the lifestyle after cheating rears its ugly head in the marriage. People think swingers don’t cheat because they have free reign of sex with others, but it is not that simple. Each couple has their own rules and boundaries in the lifestyle. Part of the draw to swinging is the taboo of it being socially unacceptable. Guess what else is socially unacceptable? Cheating. Swingers like the rush of the forbidden, so cheating plays into that fantasy. People that cheated before entering the lifestyle bump up to professional level. They were already good at lying and deceiving, now they have new tools for their cheater’s toolbox. Say they have a profile on SLS or another swing site with their spouse (a joint profile). It is easy for a cheating spouse to open an individual profile which is very handy if they travel for business. Now when they visit a city regularly or occasionally, it is as easy as messaging to set up a threesome after work in the hotel. Heck, the hotel is already paid for! You already have the sexual element of the relationship, and often the emotional connection is not far behind. Opening a marriage is playing with fire.
Swingers like to gossip; about everybody! Swingers are people and people talk. Swingers gossip about other swingers and about vanilla friends. They gossip about other swinger’s sexual abilities or lack thereof. Women talk penis size and a man’s ability to get them off. Men talk about oral skills, tits, and how tight a woman is. Swingers love to talk shit about their vanilla friends; how boring they are, how dull a regular get together is without sex. They talk about how boring sex in marriage is, and how much better it is with multiple partners; think 3somes, 4somes, and moresomes. They can be brutal.
Drugs and alcohol use, and overuse: Alcohol is ever present in the lifestyle whether it is at clubs, hotels, or house parties. I almost never see anybody swinging totally sober. Most people require 2-3 drinks to get the inhibitions down and make sex with strangers or acquaintances exciting.
Drugs are also prevalent, at least the party drugs; Molly, Ecstasy, and weed. Sex clubs typically have a no drug rule, but that is only to bring drugs in, the owners don’t care if you are already high. You have to hide drugs to get them into a club, but it happens regularly. Drugs in hotel takeovers and house parties are much more acceptable and out in the open, especially weed, but no one frowns at Molly or Ecstasy if you have it. The little blue pill is also very popluar in swinging.
It can take over your life. A small percentage of swingers allow it to go from hobby to the central part of their life. I was at a sex club where a newlywed bride and groom were having a “reception”. Some get in so deep that they no longer associate with vanilla friends. The swing lifestyle becomes all encompassing, and sex becomes the driving force in their lives. It is sad.
Many swingers (like monogamous couples) are merely trying to stay married in a difficult or unhappy situation; give them a break.